Saturday, May 9, 2009

Transition Update

For the most part I am transitioning rather nicely into my new "stay at home" routine. I love waking up without the anxiety of having to rush out the door every morning. I no longer sound like a drill sargent to my kids, repeating over and over again, "Get your shoes on, WE HAVE TO GO, WE HAVE TO GO, WE HAVE TO GO......) It's a relief for me, and I know for them too.

There are however, a few things I am struggling with. I no longer have a good excuse for leaving the unfolded laundry on the dinning room table, other than I just don't feel like folding it. I feel less entitled to be tired ALL the time. And I feel much more guilty when I don't manage to pull together a home cooked meal (that my kids won't eat anyways).

I'm trying to remind myself, what I have always said, and truly believe: In many ways, it is harder to be home full-time than working outside the home. There are an endless number of things that need to get done. And now that the kids are home with me more of the time, its not as if there's more time to really do these other things. They still get pushed to the wayside, only for different reasons.

I was looking forward to being able to attend all the spring/end of the year school festivities without having to feel like I needed to jump through hoops to get there. Unfortunately, and rather annoyingly, now that I have the flexibility to be there, Sweet Pea doesn't want me there. There was an all school assembly last week where each grade performs. I told her I was planning to go and she very politely asked me not to come. Apparently its too embarrassing with me there. Had there not be a very good gym class at that time, I would have insisted on going, but heck if she didn't want me there, I thought I might as well go to my class. And so I did. But you know, before this, she made me pay for not attending EVERY event. While I went to as much as I could, I couldn't get to everything. When I couldn't get there, I would hear, "You NEVER come to our things." It was like a knife in the heart. Hopefully this 180 she's doing now is just a phase. I'd hate to have lurk in the back of the school auditorium in some disguise.

The other problem with being laid off (or not working for whatever reason), is that it is kind of hard to really enjoy all the benefits of not working, unless money is not an issue for you. Its not like you can go out everyday to meet a friend or two for lunch. Or go shopping for the those few extra things you might like but don't really need. (Though I have become pretty good at defining "need.") Even though I have some severance and I'm sure eventually the unemployment benefits will kick in, it just doesn't feel right to be spending money when in this situation. And going ANYWHERE generally requires spending some money. So I am trying to approach this like a I do food: Everything in moderation. We'll see how long that works!

On a totally unrelated note, here was my conversation of the week:

JJ said to me as we were getting in the car. "Mama, you are hot. Will you be my big big girl friend."

If it weren't for the big big part, I might have been flattered.

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