Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Lucy went to the vet today. She has conjunctivitis. Not the kind we think of - not contagious, just from allergies, etc. She also has vaginitis. (I'll spare you the details.) We kind of new she had it but there's nothing you can do about it. Apparently it goes away once they are spayed. I asked the vet if all her ailments were a little unusual. The vet assured me, she is quite normal and this is just par for the course with a puppy. All I can say is I can glad we got pet insurance. Although it's really not that helpful unless you mail in the claim forms which I cannot seem to remember to do.

I am so not liking this homework thing, and its not even MY homework. I'm having flash backs to school when I could feel the weight of the homework hanging over my head. Ironically, they seem unfazed by it. I think that's a good think. I think.

I have taken to paying my son to eat dinner. It seems to be working. He could be a very rich man some day.

Monday, September 14, 2009

It seems that along with starting kindergarten JJ has also developed a new level of assertiveness, for lack of a better word. The other day we were talking about something (about what I cannot remember) and he was going on, on, and on. I interrupted him to essentially cut to the chase and give him a response. But before I had a chance to complete my thought he said, with a very serious face, "Mommy, I was talking. Let me finish." I apologized, bowed my head in shame, and let him continue, as painful as it was.

Then, last night, he crawled into our bed at some ridiculous hour of the night. Actually, I'm not even sure it was night, it could have been at 5 AM but really, at that time, might as well still be night. As he snuggled up to me he said, "Mommy could you schooch over just a bit, I don't really have much room here." Had I not been SO tired, I would have of course said, "NO! Take your little butt back to YOUR bed where you can have all the space you want." But at the moment that would have required way too much energy, so I did the only other thing I could do which was schooch over.

I then slept for the rest of the night (however long that was) with his knees wedged into my back. I can still feel the knots.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Eight years and 1 day ago today

I was on my way back to Philly from Boston. I was visiting Jonathan who was staying with my parent while he did a rotation in the area. My flight left at 8: 30 AM. I was 7 months pregnant.

The next day I was back at work, sitting at my desk when a friend and colleague came by and said she just heard a plane hit the World Trade Center. We quickly got on the Internet and went right to CNN. It was about 9 AM. The Internet was not yet jammed with traffic. There was a picture - it almost did not look really. Smoke was bellowing out of one of the towers. We assumed a small plane must have lost control and tragically hit the tower. We had no idea what was still to come.

We soon found out another plan hit the other tower. Word of other lost plans soon began to circulate. Our office was gathered for an emergency meeting. I worked for a federal agency, right next door to the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. While nobody had details, at this point it was assumed these were acts of terrorism. For our safety, we were sent home.

I went home and sat on my couch alone for the rest of the day watching images one could not even have imagined only hours earlier. With the rest of my family in Boston, there was no where to go. No way to get home. No air travel. All bridges between Boston and Philly, closed. It was a feeling I will never forget.

Friends near by who knew I was alone and pregnant invited me to come for dinner. I didn't really want to go. It felt like too much energy to muster when I felt physically and emotionally exhausted. In the end I went and was glad I did. It was better to not be alone.

It was Sweet Pea I was pregnant with at the time. Frankly, I think if I hadn't been pregnant, I would have been overflowing with anxiety. Not that I wasn't anxious as the events unfolded, but I think, even then, some motherly instincts must have kicked in and allowed me to remain as collected as possible under the circumstances. I do remember thinking how sad to bring a child into such a fucked up world.

She is now 7 1/2. She does not know what 9/11 is. How do you tell them about something that that you cannot explain - knowing that all it will do will case fear within them? Fear every time they get on a plane, or find themselves at the top of a high rise building. Maybe it won't be intense fear but they certainly will longer have the luxury of living in the protected world they now know. None of us do.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Five times

This is the number of times I was at the school yesterday. FIVE TIMES. First time to drop them off. Second time for a room parent meeting. (Serves me right - I should have said no when I had the chance.) Third time to pick up JJ at noon. Fourth time to bring JJ back for his assessment with his teacher. And finally, the fifth time, to pick up Sweet Pea. I mean really, what if I were still working? Could they make these schedules any less friendly for working parents?

Which brings me to the next issue....a possible PT job may be on the horizon. I wish I could say I was happy about this but just when I start to get into some kind of routine with the kids....WHAM BAM...it changes again. I know I should feel grateful - there are many out of working looking for work. But I FINALLY do not HAVE to work so I am having a little trouble motivating. Not to mention I still feel I am looking for that "perfect" career. You know, the one I can do from home when the kids are at school but still make lots of money. Not too much to ask for, right?

At any rate, seems like the job might take some time to materialize so I am trying to enjoy my time while I have it. In fact, I think I've decided we need to move and we should put our house on the market now. We had planned to wait until spring but who knows how long it could take to sell and I hope to able to buy in the spring. Hence the need to sell. The time it may take to get our house into "showing" form will require my full attention so might as well get on it now. Of course every time I look around the house for where to start, I feel so overwhelmed I just sit back down. I guess I'm going to have to get over that.