Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Choice is Good

I always said that I wish I had the choice; the choice to work outside the home, or the choice to be a stay at home work. Because when you have a choice, you naturally have to accept responsibility for that choice, right or wrong. And if you make the wrong choice for you, well you can always change it. When you don't have a choice, you lack control, and often the ability to make necessary changes. That feels lousy.

I have never had the choice. I may have, at times when things were REALLY hard to manage, felt resentment about that. But I have recently made a startling revelation. I am thankful I never had the choice. I don't know what decision I would have made. It would have been very tempting to stay home. It's so hard to leave the kids when they are so little. And that time goes by SO fast. It's not that it would have been a bad decision. But I don't know that it would have been the right decision for me. I'm not sure I would have been a very good stay at home mom. Some women AMAZE me. I am in awe of how well they do their jobs as a stay at home mom. And I do believe it is a job - albeit it a largely underpaid job. I have also seen many stay at home moms turn their personal passions into profitable careers - some, almost by accident.

I am starting to get ready to start a new job. An opportunity I would have never had if I had not been working. And though I am stressed about how I will continue to manage the demands of my home life, with the demands of a new job, I feel a sense of accomplishment for getting to where I am. It's kind of like going to the gym - you hate to go. In fact you dread it. But once you get into the routine and start seeing results, you become self-motivated in a way you weren't initially. And that motivation propels you to march on.

The time will come, not so far from now, when I will have the choice. But I think given the past, it will be a much easier choice for me to make.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

What bounces off me, sticks to you - A pre-school hazard

I always thought my daughter was the dramatic one. And usually she is. But I'll tell you, her brother is starting to give her a run for her money. Out the blue, he has started saying he does not want to go to school. He says he doesn't like school. He'll cry and throw a tantrum when he realizes it is a school day - and Monday - Thursdays are school days for him. And do you want to know what he says when we ask him what is the problem at school. Not his teachers. Not his friends. Not the snacks they give him. You know what he says?? Go on, guess.......Okay, because nobody in their right mind would guess, I'll tell you. GLUE. Yes, the GLUE. He does not like the glue at school.

"Did something happen with the glue while at school?" We asked him. "No. I just don't like it on my hands." OOOOkay.

Now I find it hard to believe that there is SO much glue being used that he is REALLY having a hard time with it. In fact, I am not confident the problem really is the glue. Perhaps he just cannot verbalize what is truly bothering him. Or, maybe, and more likely, its just a phase and he's decided he'd rather not have to go to school. He seems very happy when we pick him up and they always report to us about what a great day he had. So, though I am not overly concerned, it is heart breaking to see him so upset. If my baby doesn't like the glue, well by all means, I will do my best to make sure he does not have to use that glue.

So yesterday at drop off, he and I spoke to the teacher about the glue. And do know what she was doing when we walked in the classroom. Yep - taking out the glue for the days project. She kindly put it away when I explained why we needed to talk with her. She was very sympathetic. We talked about all the different ways he could either avoid the glue. For example, he could use tape. So far, no complaints about the tape. Or he could use a paint brush to use the glue so there is no chance he will get it on his hands. Yes, she was very helpful and understanding. Because you know, this is serious stuff people.


I am not good with change. Never have been. I like consistency. I like to know what to expect. I do not like surprises. And yet, I now find myself throwing caution to the wind, and leaving a wonderful job which has completely supported my work-life balance, for a totally different job. And while they too seem very supportive of the my work-life balance, I cannot help but feel sick! Yes the change is exciting, and I know intellectually the anxiety associated with this transition will be short-lived, I am currently a mess! Why do we do this to ourselves? Can I not just be happy with the status quo? Who needs ambition anyways?