Monday, June 16, 2008

No regrets?

I’m not sure I’d be able to say that if I died tomorrow, that I have, “no regrets.” Sorry to be so morbid, but I feel slightly surrounded by death this week. We unfortunately had a member of our family die this past week, and spent father’s days at a funeral and sitting Shiva with family and friends. He was a great-uncle, by marriage. His name was Hiem.

And then there’s Tim Russert. I didn’t know him, but like many people I feel like I did. There was something about his passing that almost felt harder to swallow. Unlike Hiem who was 93 years old and lived a long life, Mr. Russert’s death was so untimely. Although Hiem’s passing was emotional, and a tragic loss, it did not come without preparation. For Mr. Russert and his family, there were no good-byes.

At the memorial service we attend yesterday, the Rabbi said that as he spoke with Hiem a couple weeks before his passing, he told the Rabbi that he had no regrets. I was struck by this. I don’t think, if I died tomorrow, I could say that. It’s not that I have any big regrets. By I don’t think, up until this point in my life, I can say I have truly enjoyed life to the fullest. I feel like I spend SO much of my time worrying about something, and/or stressed about another, that I too often forget to just enjoy life.

And then there’s work. We spend so much of our time at work. And I don’t love my work. I wish I could say that I woke up everyday and was able to do exactly what I wanted to do. Or at least be able to say that there is no other job I’d rather be doing. But I can’t. I don’t even really know what that would be. I’d don’t feel like I ever really took the opportunity to figure that out and I wish I had. It’s not that it’s too late but it not realistic either to think you can just stop in your tracks and re-evaluate your whole professionally being, especially not when you have two kids, and an income that cannot be sacrificed at this point in time.
But this past week was a reminder that life is too short, and too precious, not to be doing what makes you happy - or at least working towards it.

1 comment:

Anjali said...

Oh, I think most people would have some kind of regrets. I know I would. But the important thing is that you'd have far more wonderful memories and relationships that would drown the regrets out.

I'm sorry for your loss.